


Feel It In My Bones

by JonBonHovis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Romance, Secret Crush, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-18
Packaged: 2018-05-07 10:32:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5453465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JonBonHovis/pseuds/JonBonHovis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If anything, their romance was a slow burner - it took a while for it to get off the ground. The story of how James and Lily finally got together in their seventh year.<br/>Repost from ff.net.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J. K. Rowling.

"Today's the day."

"James, stop," Remus groaned, resting the parchment he had been reading on his knee and turning to look at his best friend. "Not again."

"No, seriously," James said confidently. "Today's the day I ask Lily Evans out and she says yes. I can-"

"Feel it in my bones," Remus, Sirius and Peter chorused dully, finishing the sentence James had been saying almost every week since their fourth year. The three boys shared pitying looks between them as their deluded friend raked his fingers through his too-long hair and grinned.

The four marauders were in relaxing in the usually warm September sun around the old willow tree by the lake. Though they had only been back at Hogwarts for three and a half weeks (but who was counting), their professors were piling on the pressure due to their ever-approaching N.E.W.T examinations, and any time that could be used to unwind was gratefully accepted.

Remus sat leaning against the trunk of the tree, his school jumper folded neatly beside him, editing the Transfiguration homework for Professor McGonagall he had completed the night before. Every so often a crease would form as he found an error, and remained there until he had corrected it. Sirius reclined on the grass, looking up to the sky with his eyes closed, enjoying the rays of sunlight on his skin. He had taken considerably less care for his appearance than Remus, whose shirt was ironed and had all the buttons closed – Sirius' shirt in contrast was wrinkled and the top two buttons were undone, showing the glint of a thin gold chain around his neck. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to above his elbows, the cuffs stained with grass marks and spots of pumpkin juice from breakfast.

James seemed to benefit from the mix of their two influences, looking easy-going with his sleeves up, but still decent with a clean shirt. He lay on his back in the shade of the drooping willow branches, lazily toying with the snitch he so enjoyed to nick from the Quidditch chest; while Peter, trouser legs hitched up to his knees, sat on the bank of the lake with his feet in the water, twitching them ever so often to dispel the minnows that gathered to nibble on his toes.

It was peaceful; the clumps of other Hogwarts students who had also emerged from the vast castle were talking quietly amongst themselves and James was reminded of how much he loved Hogwarts, his home away from home with his best mates. But there was one thing missing, and she had red hair and was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is Evans, anyway?" James asked Remus, sitting up quickly and ignoring his friend's small sigh. He was well aware of the group's feelings about his 'crush', as they called it, and it made him all the more determined to succeed in his pursuit of the fiery girl that he had fancied since he was fourteen.

James didn't really understand why out of all the girls in Hogwarts it was Lily who had his affection. If you asked him, depending on who you were he could answer anything in the range of 'for her killer legs' to 'I don't know; she's just something  _special_ '. He knew that any other girl would have lost his attention by now, whereas Lily Evans had been making his heart convulse uncomfortably in his chest whenever she looked at him for the last three years and showed no signs of stopping.

He didn't even think he would know what to do if they actually did go out on a date. Of course he fantasised about kissing her, about being a couple and doing what couples did –like holding hands in public and other things that were definitely not to be done in public – but after three straight years of rejection, the thing James wanted most in the world was a  _yes_. He hadn't even thought about what he would do if he got one.

"Probably doing some studying before the charms test tomorrow, you know it's her favourite subject and she likes to do well. She was up late last night helping Fenwick with his Potions homework."

The mention of the Ravenclaw prefect dampened James' mood a bit and he scowled. "What's he need help for? He's good at Potions,"

"Rosier hit him with a horn-growing hex and put him in the hospital wing for two days; he missed the Draught of Peace," Remus answered absentmindedly, paying no attention to James who had started to tear pieces of grasses from the ground in a petulant manner. "We need to know it for N.E.W.T.S."

"Merlin, Moony, we know. Put the homework down for a bloody minute and enjoy the sunshine. You've done nothing but study since term started." Sirius groaned, rolling his eyes. "You and half the year seem to thing the exams are tomorrow or something."

"Some of us want to do well, Sirius, so we can get good jobs and make money," Remus said pointedly. "Not everyone has a fortune waiting for them in Gringotts."

"What?" James interrupted, mostly talking to himself as he processed the information he had just received. "What's Rosier doing, hexing people for the hell of it? He has terrible aim, someone could had gotten hurt–"

"True enough," Sirius grinned at Remus, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. He hated anything that reminded him of his family and their obsession with blood purity. Other than the run-ins he had with his cousins, and encounters of his brother around the castle, he hadn't seen his family in years. "Besides, I thought it was the Order for us, eh? Right, Peter?" Sirius called over his shoulder.

Peter lifted his legs out of the water; with his trousers still bunched up around his knees he came to sit by the other three boys. "I don't know;" He said worriedly. "I'm not as good at duelling as you three."

"Hey, you could always be a spy, find out what the enemy are planning," Sirius' eyes lit up. "Just imagine it! Wormtail hiding under Voldemort's robes, listening to his plans and nibbling his toes!" He and Remus laughed at the thought, and Peter let out a sheepish smile, reassured.

"Yeah, I guess…"

"Even the Order of the Phoenix won't accept you if you fail all your N.E.W.T.S," Remus pointed out to Sirius, sobering up. "Then you'll be sorry when James, Peter and I are off hunting Death Eaters and you have to stay at home and play mother."

"He has the hair for it," Peter joined in on the jibe. "You could probably tie it up in a bun now; it's so long, Padfoot."

"Piss off, I like it. And so do the ladies," Sirius winked. "Gives them something to tug on. James, what–"

"Not now, Sirius, I have to go check up on Benjy," James had gotten to his feet and was brushing down the seat of his trousers.

"What? You're not worried he's putting the moves on Evans while you're not there, are you?"

"To be honest, I think James should be more worried about Benjy hitting on  _him_ ," Remus revealed.

"No, of course not," James said, colouring a bit. "I want to make sure he's ok, look out for the populace, that kind of thing. I am Head Boy, you know," He smirked, making sure to puff his chest out so the badge would shine in the sunlight, picking the topic he knew would make his three friends groan in disgust. On receiving his Head Boy badge with his book list earlier in the summer, he had become very pompous until his father and Sirius had poured a bucket of water over his head. The fact that Lily was his Head Girl – his  _partner_  – had just made things worse.

"Go away by all means, Prongs, if you're going to start that again." Sirius begged, not wanting to relive the two most infuriating weeks of his summer. "Or it'll be a bucket of Flobberworm mucus next time."

James grinned. "I'll see you later then; don't forget we've got patrolling later, Moony."

"James Potter reminding me I have prefect duties. I never thought I'd see the day." Remus muttered dryly, picking back up his Transfiguration essay once more to recheck as James left them.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily tucked her hair behind her ear as she grinned at Benjy, standing at the entrance to the Ravenclaw common room which was at the top of a tall winding staircase. She had pinned it up in a half-hearted attempt to keep it out of her face but it was unwilling to cooperate, with strands falling out at the slightest head turn. Benjy leant against the door, stuffing the remainder of his books into his bag, careful not to touch the bronze knocker in the shape of a majestic eagle's head.

"Thanks again for helping me last night, Lily. You're a life-saver," he thanked her for what must have been the twentieth time since they left the library.

"I told you, Benjy, it's no problem! You probably helped me more than I helped you anyway. An anagram to help remember the order of colour changes? Genius," Lily recalled. "And today, with my Charms work. I love Charms, but the theory…"

"Well, if you ever need a hand, don't hesitate to ask, ok?" Benjy offered.

"Be careful, or I might never stop bugging you!" she joked.

Benjy laughed before turning to lift the knocker on the door to his house's common room. As it fell, a soft, musical voice came from the eagle's head, saying, "What is so delicate that saying its name breaks it?"

"You got an idea, Lily?"

Lily stared blankly at Benjy. "Is there not a password?" She wracked her brain for an answer to the riddle.

"No, you have to answer the question, and if you can't you have to wait for someone else to answer it and let you in," he sighed. "I've had some pretty long waits, I can tell you."

Lily gave up, shaking her head. "My sister was always better than I am at riddles."

"Well, I think the answer is silence, because making any sound at all breaks it." Benjy said in a serious voice, as he looked at the knocker nervously.

"Logical thinking!" The eagle head approved, and the door swung open.

Benjy exhaled slowly in relief. "I always get nervous when I have to answer the question. Once, when I was in first year, I got stuck outside until three in the morning after getting lost on the way back from dinner. McGonagall eventually found me and let me in, but it was awful."

Lily chuckled. "That sounds hilarious. You poor thing!"

"I can assure you, eleven year old me was not laughing," He smiled, walking through the door before turning to look at her. "One last thing: are we patrolling tonight? I haven't had a chance to look at the schedule."

Lily thought for a minute before shaking her head. "I don't think so. I'm pretty sure it's me and James–"

"Ohhh Evans?" Potter's voice came wafting up the spiral staircase as he called Lily from below. "Throw down your golden hair, Ramoonbel, or at least come down and save me a whole lot of effort!"

"Right on cue," Lily rolled her eyes, though there was a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Is that James Potter?" Benjy's brow was furrowed. "What is he talking about?"

"I was telling him about Muggle fairytales last week; he really likes them even if he doesn't really understand; fancies himself as the prince I think–"

"Are you up there with Fenwick? Is he seducing you?" James' voice carried a bit more and Lily leaned over the banister to look down on him. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs, his neck craning up to look at her. "It's his glorious dark skin, isn't it?"

"Anything's better than a pasty git like you, Potter!" Lily called down to him, grinning. Benjy was blushing when she looked back at him. "I better go before he starts making even more of a fool of himself," She excused, giving him a little wave and a smile. Benjy stammered out a goodbye and shut the door. Pulling her bag up so it rested more securely on her shoulder, she started descending the stairs to Potter, who had started to climb them before thinking better of it and sitting down on a step near the bottom. Lily joined him.

"A pasty git, am I?" He nudged her.

"Well, you certainly don't tan," Lily smirked, eyeing him up. "You've got to stop flattering Benjy so much, he's going to think you like him. It's not fair."

"Why not? He loves it, you know he does; and everyone knows I like you anyway so that's taken care of." He ran his hand through his hair.

It was her turn to blush. "James–"

"Yeah?" He looked at her then, and Lily was startled by how bright his hazel eyes were. They were kind eyes, she thought, and intelligent. He already had creases around them from laughing so much. She smiled.

"It's Rapunzel. I've told you a hundred times by now." She teased.

James nodded, his eyes straying to above her ear and she reached up to find a big lump of hair had fallen down. "That's what I said."

"No, I don't know what you said, but it definitely wasn't that," she attempted to push her hair back into looking decent before growling, frustrated, and pulling the pin out so that the waves fell down her back. James looked like he was going to sneeze.

"Ugh, I'm so fed up with… James, are you alright?"

He nodded, blinking, his eyebrows raised. "Uh huh, sorry, a girl attacked me with a strong smell of strawberries and I was unable to resist."

Lily elbowed him in the ribs before standing up and walking down the four last steps to the bottom of the staircase. "You sod. C'mon, I think it's nearly time for lunch, we don't want to be squashed under any Ravenclaw feet on their quest for food."

"Right," said James, awkwardly getting to his feet and picking up his bag. She waited for him to throw it over his shoulder haphazardly before she started off walking, letting him catch up.

"What were you doing with Fenwick anyway?" James asked, falling into step beside her.

"It's a thing people do when they want to get good grades in their classes," Lily said vaguely. "It's called studying."

James scoffed. "No way you need to be studying, you're the smartest girl in school."

She blushed again at the compliment before recovering and teasing him. "Smarter than you, Potter, that's for sure."

"That's a given," James grinned knowingly at her. "But I reckon I could give you a run for your money in some subjects."

"Oh yeah?" Lily raised an eyebrow disbelievingly. She was confident in her abilities and in her position as top of the class in Gryffindor. She knew James possessed intelligence but the idea that he would beat her in anything academic related was almost laughable. Quidditch, sure. Pranks… She didn't think there was a mind that could top the ingenuity of his plans. But schoolwork? No way. "That's one of those things I'll have to see to believe.

"Maybe one day," It was silent between them as they walked down the corridor before James said, "Is Fenwick alright?"

Lily was surprised at his concern. "Benjy? Yeah, he's fine. Madam Pomfrey shrunk the horns right back down and they fell off after a day, no problem."

"Good," James turned and smiled at her briefly before looking away again. "Good."

 


	3. Chapter 3

Lily wasn't sure exactly when James became someone she would willingly hang around with. She knew that her younger self would be furious with her – it was James Potter, the arrogant bully – but she had to admit he'd changed. He didn't curse people at the drop of a hat anymore, and aside from the Benjy incident and a few other pranks, the past three weeks at Hogwarts had been the quietest she'd ever known. The only bit of mischief she suspected him of orchestrating was transfiguring the stairs to the Astronomy Tower into a slide, and even that explicitly wasn't against the rules. It sure made getting to Charms that much quicker, and it was fun.

Fun. Contrary to popular belief, Lily knew how to have fun. She knew she got some stick for being a killjoy, but as Head Girl to James Potter's Head Boy she knew someone had to lay down the law. If she had left the order of the school to James, she knew the castle would probably be in flames by now. She was even surprised they had held out this long.

There were times were she had had to say no instead of an instinctive yes, when she'd had to give out detentions instead of award points for a particularly ingenious hex or prank and she did feel bad about that. She didn't like having to pretend to be someone she wasn't – a strict, almost mothering persona was one she wasn't particularly thrilled to adopt. The only reason she tried so hard was because she didn't want to let Professor Dumbledore down. Everyone in Hogwarts knew what was going on in the outside world – the muggle attacks, the duels, the occasional sightings of what was becoming known as the 'Dark Mark' appearing over houses across the country. Muggle-borns were becoming stigmatised, something to be ashamed of in this ever looming war. She was proud that despite all this Professor Dumbledore had still made her Head Girl, a possibly unpopular decision, and she was determined not to let him down. It was a gentle pressure on her shoulders, not too heavy to bear, but not so easy to forget.

Despite all her reasoning, being the law enforcer left Lily dying to have a bit of that elusive fun. The first Hogsmeade trip of the school year was that weekend.

"Well, are you coming to Hogsmeade or not?" Marlene asked as Lily sat down opposite her at the Gryffindor table. Already eating her dinner of chicken pot pie and peas, she stared at her in an almost accusatory way. "Because I'm getting tired of this 'Will She/ Won't She' game. You do it every time there's a Hogsmeade weekend."

"That's because every time I go, I get stalked." Lily sighed, making a face. It was true that normally she wouldn't reveal that she was going to Hogsmeade or not before the actual day to anyone in case it got back to a certain someone. There had been some less than tolerable trips before and Lily was keen to avoid anything like them happening ever again.

"Merlin, Lily, just snog him already. You'll lose your 'mystery' and James will lose interest and move on. You're not unforgettable."

"How do you know?" Lily raised her eyebrow at her friend across the table and grinned, helping herself to a Yorkshire Pudding and a boatload of gravy. "Maybe I'm the best snog in the world and once James gets a taste he'll be even more insufferable than before!"

Marlene gave her a look that clearly said: "Oh, come off it." She was never afraid of being brutally honest and Lily appreciated that. She, like everyone, was apt to over-think and overreact to certain circumstances, especially when it came to James Potter, and needed to be brought back to reality once in a while. However, despite not understanding why, she found that Marlene's opinion of James niggled at her slightly. She felt a little afraid that her friend was right and that once she gave in to James he would take what he wanted and move on. The thought of it made her sad, somehow.

"So James, are you going to ask Lily to go to Hogsmeade again?" Peter asked, curious. James usually developed a plan to ask the girl out every time the students had an outing to the village, an attempt that had always ended in failure.

"This weekend? Nah, I think I'm going stag."

Sirius spit out his bite of toast and it landed near Peter, who looked scandalised, and barked out a laugh. "You cheeky sod, Prongs."

Remus, who had cringed at the pun, shook his head as he flicked the piece of half-chewed bread off the table. "Merlin, Padfoot, try and keep your food in your mouth."

"Sorry Moony, but you've got to admit that was awful." Sirius addressed the boys on the opposite side of the table. "C'mon Peter, you know it was."

James ran a hand through his hair and pouted. "It wasn't that bad…"

"James, mate, you may be an intelligent enough individual, but your jokes are seriously sub par," Remus informed his friend. "And that was the worst." James looked like he was going to argue before Sirius cut in, looking like he had struck gold.

"About Quidditch practice later," He addressed no one in particular. "Do you think it's going to  _rain, dear_?"

There was a moment of silence as the three Marauders stopped eating breakfast and stared at their friend.

"You know what? I was wrong," Remus said, putting down his fork. "I was so wrong."

Sirius grinned, baring his teeth. "Don't let me stop you from eating.  _Bone_  appetit!"

When no one spoke, he continued.

"Remus, you especially should be  _wolfing_  this down. The full moon's next week, can't have you running off too many calories, you're already peaky enough, mate. Ooh! Sausages!" Sirius grabbed his fork and stabbed viciously at a plate laden heavy with the pork products that had just appeared on the table, taking a massive bite out of the two he managed to impale.

Peter looked at James and condemned him with a look. "What have you started?" He whispered, his beady eyes unusually wide.

Sirius just cackled.


	4. Chapter 4

The weekend after the Hogsmeade trip, Sirius and Remus were sitting in the castle courtyard talking to Zany Xenophilius Lovegood about girls (which was a challenge in itself). Zany Xeno had broken up with Aubrey Bertram again in what was becoming the oddest and most eventful pairing in Hogwarts and Sirius was nothing if not curious. An avid gossiper, he liked to collect his information from the source.

"…Then I said, 'I'm not the mint spice to your origami paper'; you know what I'm saying?"

There was a pause as the two friends regarded their fellow seventh year. "Not at all," Sirius answered.

"Honestly, Phil, I don't think anyone knows what you're saying, even if they understood those muggle references." Remus said, absentmindedly.

"Yeah, what's 'orrie-gammie'?"

The conversation was cut short by the appearance of a short blonde witch, foreshadowed by a sweet scent of cherries. The three boys turned to look at her and she smiled, her full lips widening. "Boys," She drawled.

"Marlene McKinnon," Remus was polite and maintained eye contact with her, while Sirius made no attempts to hide the movement of his eyes up and down her small stature. Xenophilius promptly excused himself with a stammered sentence and a huff. "What can we do for you?"

Being a part of one of the most well-known and influential wizarding families, Marlene McKinnon had no trouble with attention. There was an unshakeable confidence in everything she did – she could even make wrestling with a Venemous Tentacula look graceful. Perhaps it was this aura of self-assuredness and control that made her so attractive to many of the male population at Hogwarts.

If it was a problem, she didn't let on. Marlene took everything in her stride. One thing she didn't believe in being relaxed about, however, was sexual tension.

"I need you to talk James into asking Lily out."

This demand made Remus raise his eyebrows and Sirius scoff. "So he can get rejected once again? I don't think so."

"He hasn't asked her out in almost four months."

"What?" Remus said, surprised. "He claims that he asks her out practically every week… He literally said it yesterday. He–"

"Felt it in his bones, he did. His bones are remarkably sensitive when it comes to predicting outcomes of matters of the heart." Sirius interjected, and was rewarded for his jibe with a smirk from Marlene before her expression turned serious again.

"Yeah, well, he hasn't, and frankly it is becoming unbearable."

"What is?"

"Their  _chemistry_."

Now it was Remus' turn to scoff derisively. "Chemistry? Now you're being ridiculous."

"Am I?" Marlene frowned at him. "You obviously haven't seen them together recently. It's all secret smiles and soft nudges and flirty conversations and it's so frustrating I want to throw them in the lake. I can't take it anymore."

"But then why don't you just make Lily ask James out?"

"We all know that Lily is a beautiful, ginger idiot who is too proud for her own good. If I tell her that everyone from Professor Dumbledore to Zany Xeno knows she fancies James Potter she will be mortified and never talk to him ever again, resulting in more drama for all of us. I just want to study for my N.E.W.T.S without having to deal with pity parties and angst." Marlene twirled a curl around her finger in a coy manner, but Remus could see there was a steely glint in her eye that indicated a determination he hadn't really realised she had. She wanted to do well, and so did he. As for the drama and angst, he had roomed with Sirius and James for almost seven years. He understood how she felt.

Sirius was in the middle of protesting when he said, "Okay."

His friend gaped at him. "Remus, what?"

"I know we said we wouldn't get involved, Sirius, but if what Marlene says is true and Lily likes James, then all we have to do is give them a little push and we will be free of the rants and madness we have had to deal with for two and a half years. Tell me that doesn't sound appealing."

Sirius continued to gawk at Remus before realising that he was being serious. He was hesitant about playing the role of matchmaker – the marauders had ventured into the risky business of love and setting up blind dates the year before and their endeavours had not ended well… but then he remembered all the painfully boring rants James had gone on regarding his crush and the possibility of them coming to an end was too sweet to ignore.

"Fine," he agreed, and Marlene gave him a one-hundred watt smile. "But I want to be the one who does it. And I want something in return, McKinnon."

Marlene raised an eyebrow at him, having an indication where this was going but not impressed. "And what would that be, Black?"

Shocked Sirius had been exchanged for Smooth Sirius, and he gave her a wink after replying, "You have to go on a date with me."

Remus sighed – this wasn't the first time Sirius had asked Marlene out, and he had never succeeded before – but she didn't react. If anything, the happy shine in her eyes had turned wicked as she smirked.

"A date?" She stepped towards him, and Sirius suddenly worried that he'd taken on more than he could handle. He was Sirius Black, notorious ladies man, but this was Marlene McKinnon and she was unforgiving. She took another step towards him, like a cheetah stalking her prey, and suddenly she was a hair's breath away from him, looking up at him. The top of her head barely reached the bottom of his chin, but he didn't break eye contact with her for a second.

"I don't think you could handle me, sweetheart," She whispered in a sultry tone before reaching up on her tip-toes to give him a wet kiss on the cheek.

Remus chuckled.

She sauntered away, leaving him gaping, and Sirius swore she swayed her hips that extra bit, just enough to send his naïve notions of self control out the window as he stared openly after her.

"Nice arse, McKinnon!" He found the courage – once his jaw had returned to its proper position off the floor – to call after her.

She didn't turn around; she tossed her mane of hair over her shoulder, holding up her left hand and he could see the glint of her silver ring on the third finger that was aimed in his direction.

He gulped audibly once she had turned the corner and was out of sight. This witch had him right under her spell.

"Alright, mate?" Remus grinned knowingly at him. Sirius was charming and had many girls fawning over him but he had met his match in Marlene McKinnon and the rest of the Marauders loved it. Nothing was better than watching their incorrigible flirt of a friend be left speechless after an encounter with their fellow Gryffindor. The blonde had an effect on Sirius – not the kind of 'Lily Effect' James suffered from – but it was almost as if she simultaneously attracted and intimidated him.

"Piss off, Remus."


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius plopped down into an armchair in front of the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room later that evening across from James and Peter. The fire in the grate was the only light left in the room, but James was still hard at work on a potions essay that wasn't due for a couple of days. Peter, on the other hand, was dozing, his legs sprawled out in front of him.

"' _Ruff_ ' day?" Sirius grinned, and Peter opened his eyes to glare at him.

"Oh, piss off."

"Don't be mad because I haven't thought up any rat puns, Wormy; I'm working on it."

"It's been two weeks, Sirius, give it a rest."

"Never. Now, off to bed with you."

Peter gave him a look of reproach, but Sirius stared him down until he begrudgingly got to his feet and set off up the stairs to their dorm, grumbling all the while. Sirius was glad when he left. There had been something off with Peter recently – he was quicker to anger than usual – but Sirius attributed that to worry about the war. Everyone was a little tense these days, and Peter was the only one out of them that had muggle relatives.

But even if Peter had been his slow, bumbling self, Sirius wanted to talk to his best friend alone.

"So… James."

"Sirius."

"How are you doing?"

"What do you want? You only ever ask how I am when you're trying to suck up to me because you want something. Do you want to copy my Transfiguration essay?" James looked up from his page at Sirius. The light of the fire shone in the reflection in his glasses and Sirius couldn't see his pupils. "If you do, I'd start now – its eighteen inches of parchment long and its eleven thirty already."

"No, no, it's not that…" Sirius said, before adding, "Though if you wanted to lend me your essay tomorrow that would be a huge help."

James took off his glasses and rubbed his tired face with his hands. "Sure, no problem." His voice was muffled.

"So… I think you should ask Lily out, mate." The time for small talk was over. Sirius just came out with what he wanted to say.

"What?" James' hands flew away from his face, and he flushed bright red.

"Ask Evans out on date, Prongs. She's not bad looking and for some crazy reason she seems to like you and not me, which I'm still having trouble getting my head wrapped around–"

"Lily's beautiful," James defended hotly, swiping his glasses off the table and perching them back on his nose in a furious gesture that made him wince afterward. "And she likes me… as a friend."

"A friend she wants to snog! And maybe–" Sirius broke off to imply an action with his hips, which was hard considering that the armchair he was occupying seemed to lack a frame and be made entirely of cushions.

"Sirius…" James warned.

"I'm just saying, Prongs,"

* * *

James paced furiously up and down in front of his three friends, seriously regretting letting Sirius talk him into doing this.

"What am I doing? She's just going to say no again, I can feel it."

"In your bones?" Peter quipped, and although the other two boys snorted, James glared at him.

"No, Wormtail, in my stomach, which right now is telling me to throw up all over your shoes."

Peter took a hasty step back but Sirius grabbed both of James' shoulders, shaking him. "You're being a wimp, Prongs."

"I am not!"

"She's just a girl."

"She's Lily!"

"Well, what do you know Peter, Lily isn't a girl," Remus said dryly, his hands resting in his pockets. James rolled his eyes and broke free of Sirius' hold.

"I don't even know what to say. It's not exactly like a 'hey, Evans, date me' is going to work."

"James I have asked out hundreds of girls…"

"No you haven't," Remus interjected but Sirius ploughed on.

"… And I have developed a foolproof speech that is guaranteed to get accepted."

"Here we go." Remus rolled his eyes, though he was grinning.

Sirius struck a romantic pose, his arm up as if to serenade some beauty on a balcony. "All you have to say is: 'Il mio amore, sei raggiante come le stelle nel cielo notturno'."

Remus gave a pragmatic translation. "Hey Lily."

"'Vuoi uscire con me per una serata di amore romantico?'"

"Will you go on a date with me?"

Peter looked at Sirius with his eyebrows furrowed. "Was that French?"

Sirius dropped his pose instantly, a pained expression on his face. "No, Peter. That was Italian, the language of love and seduction."

"Since when do you speak Italian? Is that the only sentence you know?"

"Irrelevant!" Sirius exclaimed hotly. "We're not here to discuss the languages I may or may not speak! We're here to get Prongs to stop being a prat and ask a girl out!"

"Yeah, Sirius, I'm not going to speak Italian at Lily. She'll have no clue what I'm saying."

"It isn't what you say; it's how you say it!"

"No. I'm not saying that." James looked over at Lily, who was now comforting a crying Mary Macdonald. His stomach did flips as she shook her long hair out over her shoulders and wrapped her arm around the smaller girl. When he turned back to look at his friends, however, all three of them were looking at him, not impressed. James tried to wipe the love-struck expression that undoubtedly covered his face.

"This is ridiculous. Just go and ask her. It's not advanced arithmancy," Remus clapped his friend on the shoulder. "I'm going back up to the Common Room. Pull yourself together, mate. You have a fifty-fifty chance."

"I'm going to go too," Peter said, stepping up beside Remus. "I'm sure she'll say yes, Prongs, if you ever get up enough courage to ask her."

James bristled.

"See you later, mate," The two of them grinned at him before walking away. James turned to see Sirius studying Lily with his head tilted.

"I have half a mind to march up and beg her to put us out of our misery," He confessed.

James laughed for a bit, but paused as that statement struck him.

"Do you think that would work?"

"Oh bloody hell, James. Just go over there and propose to her."

"Ok, I– wait, what?"

"C'mon James, admit it. Once she says yes to being your girlfriend she's basically signed away the rest of her single life because I know there is no way you are ever going to let her go. So it's not just a little question, really. It's a marriage proposal. You have to get it right."

"Merlin, Sirius…"

"Just saying," Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, a smirk dancing on his lips. "Good luck, mate."


	6. Chapter 6

"Doyouwanttogoonadatewithme?"

Lily turned around to see a very red James looking very nervous, his right hand rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. Marlene had finally taken Mary up to the hospital wing and she had been sent to retrieve the poor girl's things so she could go home and be with her mum. "Excuse me?"

"Iaskedyouifyouwantedtogoonadatewithme." James stammered out.

She raised an eyebrow. "What in Merlin's name are you saying, James?"

James took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, shuffling his feet, before looking up suddenly, as if he had had an epiphany. He grabbed her arm and began pulling her into a deserted corridor.

"James! What are you doing?! Potter, let go of me!" Lily struggled, but he didn't stop until they were in line with a window halfway through. When he let go of her arm, Lily snatched it away and cradled it against her chest, incensed.

"Why in Agrippa's name did you do that for?! You could have just said, 'hey, Lily, can I talk to you for a second?' How dare you drag me around like I'm a sack of pumpkins!"

"Lily! Lily, shut up for a minute. Will you go on a date with me?

His question ended Lily's furious tirade. She looked at him, her mouth wide open. As she took in what he said, she felt herself flush. "A date?" She asked, dazed.

"Yeah," James looked embarrassed again. "I mean, I want to go out with you, but I figure we haven't really hung out in a… romantic way before, so I thought we could take things slow and see how things go. If you want," He added hurriedly. "It's up to you."

"A date," Lily repeated again, slowly. "With you."

"Well, yeah. Do you want to go on a date with me?"

Lily imagined going on a date with James and then being in a relationship with James. She imagined leaving school and moving in with James and then maybe getting married and being in the Order of the Phoenix and coming home one day to find James' dead body on the ground, just like Mary's mother had found her father lying on the kitchen floor the day before.

"James," She swallowed and avoided looking him in the eye. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"What?" James recoiled. "What do you mean?"

"Mary's father's dead. They found him yesterday. It was her mum's birthday and he was making her a roast – it nearly burnt the house down. He was a muggle, he couldn't have fought back if he tried." Lily said all of this in a flat voice, but she needed James to understand. How could they fall in love when people were dying? They were better off by themselves. 'In business, you should only look out for number one', Petunia's horrid new boyfriend had said when she had met him over the holidays. How was fighting in war any different?

James exhaled heavily. "I'm sorry to hear that." It was quiet between them for a few moments before he ventured awkwardly, "I don't understand how that relates to me asking you out, though."

"It's not about what I want, James. It's about what's best and that's why I don't think us going out on a date is a good idea."

"What are you talking about? It's just a date, Lily." He sounded confused but she could tell he was starting to become frustrated with her – his hands were balled into fists on either side of him.

"No, James, it's really not." Lily couldn't imagine her relationship with James ending after one date. All the time they had spent together as friends had made her realise that maybe she actually  _liked_  him and in another universe she would have said yes to him immediately. And they would probably be snogging by now. She really wanted to kiss him.

"So you don't want to go out with me." He looked dejected.

"It's not that I don't want to–"

"So go out with me!"

"James, it's not that simple!" She could feel her anger rising.

"Merlin, Lily, what? What is it that you want? I am trying my hardest here, but I just don't understand what is going on here!"

He shouted at her, and she broke.

"Fine, James! You want to know what I want? I want that fiery passion that those old, sad witches write about in their trashy articles in Witch Weekly! I want to look at someone and feel all girly and swoon-y and weak-at-the-knees! I want to have crushes and go on dates and gossip and go to dances and kiss boys and be a normal teenager and not have to worry about my family, my friends and this stupid bloody war!" Lily felt childish as she shouted and stamped one foot on the ground, but it felt good, so she did it anyway.

James studied her quietly for a few seconds before furiously turning his head to look out the window at the lake. The Giant Squid's tentacles could be seen resting on the water, moving back and forth in a lazy motion that betrayed the tumultuous state of the wizarding world.

"This is the card we've been dealt, Lily, and you don't have to like it – I definitely don't, and nor does anyone else in their sane mind – but we are all that stands between Voldemort and the millions of defenceless muggles out there who haven't a clue what's going on. We've got to stop him."

He looked back at her with a sad smile on his face, speaking quieter now, more defeated.

"As for all the fiery passion and swoons, I hoped that you got all those things when you looked at me; they happen to me when I look at you." He laughed. "James Potter, a swooning girl. Don't tell Sirius, I'd never hear the end of it."

Lily immediately felt guilty.

"You have no idea what you do to me, and I don't blame you. Maybe I've gotten pretty good at hiding it over the last couple years. All I need is a glimpse of you and I'm gone. Daydreaming, visualising… you name it, I've done it. Every time I'm close to you I wonder what you would do if I just summoned up my courage and kissed you like I want to. I can't, of course – it took me four years to get into your good graces and I'm not wasting my time in them only to be thrown out again."

James' face darkened for a second. "As for these other boys you mentioned, I can only say that if that's what you've been trying to do the last few years, your taste is appalling. Caradoc Dearborn, Lily? Really? On an unrelated note, I'm still single."

She raised her eyebrow almost involuntarily.

"Sorry," He sighed, and ran a hand through his untidy dark hair. "Old habits die hard I guess."

Lily bit her lip, and flushed again when she saw James' eyes dart down to focus on it. She quickly turned to the window and tried to act as if she was interested in the outside view, but in reality her stomach was churning and she didn't think looking at the steep drop from the window to the ground was such a good idea. She felt a bit queasy.

"I just…" James sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "I really like you, Lily. I want to date you. Is that such an awful thing?"

"James, we're in the middle of a war. We don't get luxuries like falling in love." Lily said coldly. She spun on her heels and marched away, leaving him, and didn't look back.


	7. Chapter 7

James was striding out of the Great Hall just as Lily was making her way to breakfast. She spied him coming towards her out of corner of her eye and ducked behind one of the suits of armour that lined the walls along the corridor. After their awkward confrontation the day before – and the subsequent confession of his ever-present feelings for her – she wasn't sure if she could face him. She would probably just end up babbling and turning a very embarrassing shade of red. She already felt guilty enough. Even though her head told her she had made the right decision, she couldn't help but feel like it was a huge mistake.

Peeping through the small gap between the chest and arm of the metal guard, she saw James had a letter clutched in his hand and the other was balling up his jumper in anxiety. He moved to scratch the back of his neck and let out a shaky exhale of air, pacing around in a neat square until he was joined by Sirius.

"Well?" Sirius demanded. "What's it say? Is it about Mum and Dad?"

Lily was momentarily confused before she remembered that Sirius didn't live with his family, and hadn't for a number of years. She remembered Severus telling her of the loud, very public arguments between the newly christened 'Padfoot' (some sort of code, no doubt, that Lily still hadn't managed to figure out five years later) and his younger brother, Regulus, when the latter had started Hogwarts during their second year. Sirius had broken away from his family officially and gone to live with James in their fifth year, and Lily was not surprised James' best friend had become his brother in all but blood.

"I haven't opened it," James confessed, quietly. "I'm afraid it's bad news."

"What's the worst it could be?" Sirius laughed, but the grin didn't reach his eyes. "Dad in St. Mungo's, healing up after a duel? Or maybe Mum burned the potatoes again and managed to injure herself in the process!" It was obvious that his false bravado was trying to lighten the mood in vain.

"You know what the worst is," The tone of James' voice stayed low, and Lily had to strain to hear him. "One of them, dead."

"Just open the letter, James," Sirius replied, a tinge of desperation in his voice.

James took a deep breath before breaking the wax seal on the envelope. Just as he did so, it flew into the air and began talking, and Lily imagined a middle-aged man reading the contents of the letter within in a pompous manner.

"Mr. James Potter,

The Great Hall,

Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Dear Mr. Potter,

We regret to inform you of the discovery of the deceased remains of one Charlus Potter and his wife Dorea Black in the Potter Manor residence in Godric's Hollow the night before last. Healers were called to the scene and the cause of death was determined as the performance of the killing curse, one of the three Unforgivable Curses, upon them.

The deaths of such an esteemed Auror and his wife, and the appearance of what has become known as the 'Dark Mark' above the residence in question has prompted the Ministry to assign this case to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement to carry out an inquiry. For this reason, Ministry workers may contact you regarding your loss. Please give your full cooperation throughout the investigation.

The residence in question has been seized by the Ministry until the investigation is complete, at which time you will be notified. Until then, no one may enter or exit the premises. The bodies of the deceased will be released into your custody when they are no longer pertinent as evidence, as is the policy regarding cases of this sort.

The Ministry offers its condolences for your loss.

Yours faithfully,

Ciceron Harkiss

The Department of Magical Law Enforcement."_

Lily covered her mouth in shock, her eyes wide. Still hiding behind the suit of armour, she watched as the two boys took in the news of their parents' deaths. Sirius' knees had buckled upon the mention of 'deceased remains' and as the letter ended, leaning his back on the wall behind him, her slid down until he was collapsed on the stone floor in a lump. His eyes were staring dully ahead as his mouth opened and closed, searching for something to say.

James had not moved the whole time. He stood, his back to Lily, completely still, until he finally said to Sirius: "Well, it's worse than you thought."

Sirius looked up at his best friend. "James…"

"I'm going up to the Common Room. I've got patrol later, so don't wait up for me after dinner." James sounded mechanical, and he didn't look at Sirius.

"I'll come with you," Sirius scrambled to his feet but James shook his head.

"No. I just – I need… I'll see you later." He walked off, leaving Sirius standing forlornly in the middle of the corridor.

* * *

"James?" Lily entered the Gryffindor common room to find James with his back to her, perusing a book shelf.

"Yeah, Evans?" He didn't turn around. "If you're wondering about this term's timetables for patrolling, I've already done them. They're on the notice board."

"What? No," She was at a loss. James seemed so calm. "I came to say that I'm so sorry about your parents."

"Oh, yeah," James picked out a book and flicked through it before returning it to its original position. "Thanks."

"Seriously, James," Lily took a step forward. "I can't imagine what you're going through."

James paused before shrugging. "I'm alright," He said dully as he pulled a book halfway out from the line along the bookshelf, but changed his mind and pushed it back in again. Lily didn't understand why he didn't seem to get what she was saying. Again.

"I really am sorry. You must feel–"

"Circe's tits, Lily! Just shut up! Okay?! SHUT UP!" James bellowed, turning wildly to face her; his hair pointed in all different directions, as if he'd been pulling it, his face read and splotchy. He was breathing deeply and quickly, pointing at her, and the tone of his voice made her heart break. He was angry, but it was the kind of anger one feels at the injustice of the world. She couldn't help but think that if James Potter deserved one thing, it was a happy life – not this pain. "You don't know, you don't… If anyone else tells me what I should be feeling then I'm going to EXPLODE!"

She looked at him, wide-eyed, and though she knew it was unwarranted and that he would never hurt her, Lily felt a little afraid of James. She opened and closed her mouth, at a loss for what to say, and watched James turn from furious to horrified.

"Oh, Merlin, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Lily," He strode up to her from across the common room and took her hands. "Lily… Lily," He seemed to find comfort in saying her name. Holding her hands in his, he brought them to him mouth and kissed the fingers on each one. Lily let him. His lips felt feather light on her skin.

"I didn't mean it, Lil; I'm sorry I yelled at you, I'm such a prat…" He was blabbering.

Lily pulled him into a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck. She had to stand on her toes, he was so tall.

"No, no, no, ssh," Was all she said, and she felt rather than heard the sob James let out as he buried his face in her hair.

They stood like that for a while, Lily uttering quiet reassurances while James held her tightly. He seemed to remember himself as Lily started to stroke his hair, pulling away from her and wiping his eyes furiously on the cuff of his jumper.

"I'm trying Lily," He said quietly, avoiding eye contact. "I really am… I don't prank anymore, I'm trying to act like a good head boy, I'm studying, I'm working, I practice defence everyday for the Order of the Phoenix, I'm  _trying_ ," He said. "And now… what do I do? What's the point? If my  _parents_ ," He choked on the word. "… They couldn't fight…"

"You can, James," She held is face in her hands and he closed his eyes, craving contact. "You're so strong–"

"So were they, and look what happened to them."

Lily had to choose her words carefully. She knew James was splintering apart beneath her fingertips and one wrong word would scatter his pieces to the wind. "You have your friends," She took a deep breath and something in her just said,  _screw it_. "And you have me. I have faith in you, and if I have to stay with you to make sure you keep fighting until we win this bloody war, I will,"

James looked at her, his eyes scanning her features, looking for hesitation, for reluctance, but Lily had decided. She'd known for a while now that the idea of 'James and Lily' had turned from a disgusting insult to an unlikely thought to an impossible ideal. But there was another time and place for that conversation. Right now, she wanted to hold her friend while he was falling apart. "We won't let you down if you don't."


End file.
